Im on a Break

And yet I feel like Im having to explain a divorce to people when they ask.
Perhaps that is because that is how I feel about it really, but just dont know it yet. I have divorced my job.Well not my job cause I have many jobs, but my profession.
For now.

And this is why its hard

"because it is a noble job""because it is a gift" "becuase you are doing so much good" "because your people need you" "because there arent enough of you" "because you can help so many" "because who will help them if youre not there?"

The reasons are plentiful arent they...and genuine..and guilt inducing...
already just having to write that makes me feel like my limbs are being pulled apart in all directions..like everyone just wants a piece of me..

but what about me...
what about finding a job that makes me happy??
Am I dreaming maybe??maybe everyone hates their jobs and Im just living in lala land thinking Im the only one stuck with a job that gives me grief...But what about my family, my daughter?my husband? my parents?my siblings?? who i feel all miss out because im too busy too tired to caught up and cranky with my job??
what about all the crap i put up with, with people who dont want to listen to me because-a fofo is smarter-im too young- im a woman, find me a male-
what about everyone who komumums everyday because im not there quick enough for them coz i have a life and work starts at this particular hour everyday and not 'when you want it" and therefore I am the one that cops with all the verbal abuse and mental insanity!
what about all the people who lie thru their teeth about neglecting their kids, their elderly,their own chronic illness who think Im stupid, that give me headaches, heartaches, stomach aches??
what about me???
Im meant to swallow all that, in order to 'help'..until what..until im divorced and have a headful of sigas and high blood pressure from stress and my child hates me for not spending enough time with her and my parents miss out on their only grand daughter and my sister dies and im stuck on another island and my own workmates tell me her pupils were fixed and dilated on arrival and they and I can do nothing???
not that that was my jobs fault...but theres still an association...

well thats why...I divorced my job. And I drive past my workplace sometimes and wait to see if i miss it, and I dont.
well, at least not at this moment in time...

so Im spending some me time..and its been good. And im thankful that I live in Samoa and I can take this time out...