my heart

The air
...is so thick at times
I have trouble breathing...
is this what they call
...a panick attack...?
or is it a mental breakdown?
I still can not
make sense
of the fact that you are not here any more
I just cant...
its as if someone just spoke to me
in a foreign languauge
and i dont have the slightest clue
what they are on about
how do you mend something
that scars so deep
it doesnt matter
how many times I have to relive it
remember it
recover from it
It still hits me like a tidal wave
again and again
is this really happening?
rivers of tears ive cried
flow down and turn to dust
dust that is lifted and carried by winds
over the ocean
whats the point
of crying in the wind
if it cant bring you back
which is all I want
I dont want you to be a statistic
I dont want you to be a memory
you are a million zillion times more then that
and yet slowly you are being left behind
we are being torn apart
our last meeting seems so much farther and farther apart
how does one stop time?
to stop this...
I just wish I could go back in time
and stay that extra day i should have with you
and called
or texted
or done something
that could have changed your fate
but I cant...so i sit
here
with my bleeding heart
and wait
for time
to help me
figure out
how one heals...