I remember

I remember
preaching to others , lifes fragility
bombarding them with instructions,
to do more,to prevent them from illfitting fates
to lookafter their children
to care for their elderly
as if death was something we toy with
and can somehow just manage to avoid
by being a bit more careFUL

and yet
I just cant seem to comprehend
how, death has landed on my doorstep
and robbed me left right and centre
of those close and not so close to me
I have lived 27years, and only had 2 funerals to attend,
both my grandparents
and then suddenly, in one year
as if to remind me
that no one is in total control
it jumped all up in my face
and snatched my happiness
and spat gloom out in place

and it makes me sad
and it makes me miss
those carefee lazy days
when such a sentence never crossed our minds
when all we thought about
where the everyday chores that had to be done
and all we missed
were naps in the afternoon
and not persons
and relationships
not your sister
or your people
or the happiness of your country
how I long and pray for those days
how I hope such times are possible

Now I dont preach anymore
I can not preach what I dont believe
I dont believe anymore that we have any control
so instead, I pray
that I am not destined an illfitted fate
that no one around me
is destined
that either
cause I dont think
my heart
could handle
anymore pounding
I really dont