My prayers

I pray that you left us quickly
that you suffered no pain, no shock, no regrets or grief
I pray that you were at ease immediately
and that all you felt was the calm of the peaceful place that awaited you

I can not bear to think otherwise
That you may have, for a split second
suffered , any of these

I try not to think
of the others that may be to blame
what they do, on an everyday basis?
I hope their actions haunt them, and make them sick to their stomach
I fear, that they are just moving on with their lives
like nothing happened
like yesterday, a coconut fell from a tree, and today
they go back to their dayjob

Do they know what it is like to suffer?
On a daily basis?
To wonder, but try not to wonder
to try to find peace, only to find grief .
To try not to look too long at your mother
because she is weathered, and beaten by her sadness
to try not to look at your father
because he is miserably tormented by his loss
to try not to look at your sister or brother
because your minds might wander to the same subject
and you may both end up sitting there, feeling like shit
trying not to cry

to try not to say things like “ that looks nice”
because it would have looked nicer on her
or “ that was so much fun”
because you would have enjoyed it more with her
She who is no longer with us,
and a life that is no longer the same....

I hope you left us instantly
I hope you suffered no pain
I couldnt bear it at all
if it happened any, other,way